Barry Rozner: The Most Embarrassing Journalist in North America

FROM THE MYSTICAL WISDOM OF BABYCH’S DUSTER…

As you may have noticed by the headline, I have a bit of a burr in my saddle today. The Chicago-Vancouver series has finally lived up to (and perhaps surpassed) a lot of the hype coming in. The teams have been in a war of words, particularly Kevin Bieksa and John Scott (which in itself is pretty shocking, a talentless ogre trading barbs with a top pairing defenseman…but I digress)…and have both openly admitted this is their biggest and most bitter rivalry in the league. Apparently, Chicago Daily Herald beat writer Barry Rozner has just as strong feelings about the Canucks. You’ll note that this man is a professional journalist. I’m here to tell him he’s a talentless, unprofessional, Mickey Mouse hack who comes across as some diehard blogger. Heck, he’s decidedly less professional and more biased than the boys at secondcityhockey.com …one of the finest NHL team blogs in the league. Now, these boys also like to rag on Barry, and when your team’s own fans destroy you for your writing you’ve got to be bad. Barry, who was leading the Hawks funeral march after game three, lambasting them in any way possible and saying things were hopeless, now has pulled a Mr. Hyde and turned his attention to the Canucks. Check out his columns from after game 4, after game 5 and after game 6.

Where can I start with this homer clown? How about the title of the first column, calling the Canucks “gutless”?

Let’s go through the list of unprofessional transgressions on the first column that would make any journalist worth their spit grind their teeth to the gums:

• calling out Raffi Torres for being gutless, running around trying to end careers and for not fighting a guy in John Scott who has 8 inches and 60 pounds on Torres and is only on the ice for one reason, to fight.
• similarly calling out Kevin Bieksa for beating the crap out of Viktor Stalberg for being a little shit and slew-footing and spearing guys with 5 minutes left in a blowout game
• ignoring the roles of both Hawks players in the previous incidents, instead just blaming the evil Canucks players
• “Wow, Bieksa is a brave man, does he kick kittens too?”  - for your information, you fucking useless hack, Stalberg has an inch and 25 pounds on Bieksa, so stop acting like he’s some poor little Martin St. Louis who got jumped by the big bad wolf. All that would have required was a ten second trip to NHL.com to maybe check a few FACTS for your column
• criticizing multiple Canucks for not engaging Scott, a 6’8″ 270 pound ogre who is one of the five biggest men in the NHL, and in particular comparing Bieksa ignoring Scott and skating away to “going into a turtle” and throws in the ever-so-mature jab “Why does the phrase “hiding behind your mom’s skirt” come to mind?”
• Calling out Alain Vigneault for encouraging this kind of “spineless behavior”. First of all, it’s your clown of a coach who dressed Scott, who has no discernible talent beyond stone hands, and second, how ignorant must you be to think that any coach in the NHL is telling their players to go take headshots on opponents? Seriously dude, for a professional hockey beat writer you really seem to lack any understanding of the nuances of the game at all. Or maybe you do and you’re just blinded by your ever-too-obvious loyalties.
• making the absurd insinuation that AV had Bieksa on the ice just to jump poor Stalberg, as if Stalberg did absolutely nothing to incite the incident whatsoever or as if the Canucks first choice of goon would be Bieksa
• insinuating that the Hawks winning the series would be “making things right”
• calling out Roberto Luongo for waiting til a scrum to remove himself from the game…last time I checked they have coaches that make that decision, buddy

in reality, this column is as amateurish a piece of trash as I’ve ever seen in a major publication…but wait, faithful readers, there are two more of these fucking gems! Post-game 5, “Hawks turn Canucks to dust”. The first sentence reads “The Vancouver Canucks have long been known as chokers, a team of great talent that goes to pieces when it counts.” when compared to game 4′s column, it looks incredibly original for Barry. Game 4′s version starts off with “The Vancouver Canucks have long been known as a team that will crack under the strain, succumb to the pressure and ultimately choke away a chance to win the Stanley Cup.” Original thoughts, Barry! God damn it pisses me off that you get fucking paid to write this spew.

Game 5′s list of questionable (at best) inclusions:

• calling out Vancouver fans for booing the Canucks. Look, I agree that it’s not the greatest move but it’s completely within their rights to boo a team when some of them are spending mortgage payments on seats for this game and the team doesn’t even fucking show up. For the same reasons you love to trash the Canucks for, their fans are fed up, and rightfully so.
• calling out Kevin Bieksa for…not doing anything dirty? Okay…
• ignoring the fact that when a hockey player sees another guy lining him up and tries to dodge sideways out of the way, it’s not an intentional knee on knee when that becomes the point of contact. Again, incredible hockey insight from the “professional”
• spending the entire article ripping on Luongo…yes, he got lit up for 4 goals on 12 shots, but were you watching the game? it’s not like anyone else on the Canucks showed up… also, I have an issue with him being called a “$10 million dollar goalie”. Yes, he is technically making $10 mil this year. Next year he’s making 6.5. His cap hit is 5.3. the contract was designed that way on purpose, and for all intents and purposes he’s a 5.3 million dollar goalie.

wow, only four points this time…maybe he’s getting better! maybe? please?

Nope. Game six comes and goes, and Rozner, now downright cocky about the series, churns out another page for the Hawks propaganda hall-of-fame. Rozner’s lowlights today include:

• calling the Canucks “team choke” and “mental misfits”
• “stay thirsty, my Vancouver friends”…essentially calling the series, as well as for some unknown reason believing he has any friends even indirectly associated with Vancouver, as well as painting the entire city as a bunch of spineless chokers cause of their hockey team.
• ripping Luongo for not sitting on the bench as the backup goalie. As his competent and well-versed foils at CBC pointed out during the broadcast, “because of the lack of room on the benches at the United Center, backup goaltenders typically watch the game from the dressing room, as Luongo is doing”. Dude, how long have you been covering this same team at this same arena? Absolutely inexcusable that you can not know that and trash the guy with false information like that
• insinuating that most people didn’t believe AV was giving Luongo the start as he asserted immediately after game 5. Funny, I don’t remember reading you suggesting that he was lying about that, everyone assumed that, as he usually does, Vigneault would stick with his guy. And the people doing that were not only you and your colleagues, Barry, but also those of us in Vancouver that know this team infinitely better than you do. Everyone was floored by the announcement Schneider was starting, don’t be a smug hind-sighter.
• another two references to Luongo about his salary. This time not only ridiculing how much he gets paid but also essentially suggesting Vigneault is hamstrung and forced to go with Luongo in the deciding game. Why would it be any different than game 6?
• “Yeah, I’d stay away from the Canucks’ guts, but they’ve shown such a lack of them over the years that it’s hard to imagine them playing better Tuesday than they did Sunday.” you know what else is considered gutless where I come from? Mouthing off from the safety of your desk. Must be nice being able to rip these guys and not answer to it like you suggest the Canucks needed to do in the last three games.
• another shot at the team and by extension the city, calling a loss here “making history, Vancouver style”…real class.
• “the Hawks final two periods Sunday were their worst since the first period of the series.”…um…you’re the same guy that was calling things hopeless after the first three games. The Hawks were thoroughly beaten in both the first two, those scores belied the game that accompanied them and you damn well know it. It’s like you’re not even watching the same things everybody else is. And god forbid the best team in the NHL gets any credit for actually showing some flashes of being the best team in the NHL. Nope. Guess the Hawks just decided to take those periods off and that’s all that happened.

Three straight games, three straight publications of useless garbage from this pro. Rozner is an amateurish, classless hack of a wordsmith. It’s utterly embarrassing for everyone that he is paid to write this sewage, particularly for Chicagoans that have to read it on a daily basis. Then again, with such pro-Hawks writing from a supposedly objective and professional journalist, they likely are huge fans. It’s worth noting for everyone else that this guy, as well as unfairly making money that any jerkoff with a high school degree and a Jonathan Toews jersey could just as legitimately earn, also gets other perks with his job, such as being able to vote on many of the NHL’s major awards. There’s a scary thought. Bet we see votes for Toews for the Hart and write-in votes for Crawford for Vezina, Ben Smith for Calder, Keith for Norris and Dave Bolland for the Lady Byng (I really hope most Vancouver fans are killing themselves laughing right now). It’s a damn shame the Daily Herald doesn’t recognize what an insult to the game and the profession they publish on a daily basis. But oh well. Fortunately, I won’t have to read another word from this idiot after Tuesday. Although I will probably enjoy reading his post-mortem after the Canucks win, I will enjoy it IMMENSELY.

All the best, Barry, here’s hoping you get to keep committing larceny every time you cash your paychecks.

Keep on dusting.

-BD